Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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