When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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