I feel great
I just peed on a car
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
