We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
