dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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