i may or may not be watching the land before time
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
