Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
