Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
