he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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