He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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