Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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