I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
