Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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