First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
