At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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