I accidentally had phone sex last night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
