I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
