THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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