2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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