who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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