Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
