We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
