i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
