I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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