You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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