Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
