How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
