Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I could make wine with my vomit
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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