So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
