his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
