This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
