the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
