Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
