whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
