I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We need a shit load of segways right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
