there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize