Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
