If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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