i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
