New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
