R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
