i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We got so high we made milksteak
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Randomize
