She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
