guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
