Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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