Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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