member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
