im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
