i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
