i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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