I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
