Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My bed smells like the plague
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