ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize