Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
