I accidentally burped into my bong.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
