i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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