She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
