Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
