it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
