You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was confusing and full of hummus
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
