Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
