there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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