ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
