Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
