whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
